Stress – it sometimes feels waaay bigger than us.
What if it weren’t?
Quick 3-minute mindset shift: stress is not an existential, impossible-to-control circumstance. It’s a simple imbalance between two factors: RESOURCES and DEMANDS.
So, any problem – FIRST, ask yourself – “Is this a resource problem? Or a demand problem?”
Resources: the good things and supports in your life that help you handle the less-than-good times. Think a stable income, supportive friends, healthy food, or even that Starbucks Pumpkin Spice coffee this morning (hey, ‘tis the szn).
Demands: Anything that is depleting – from snarky coworker to having a mean inner critic, to that black fly in your Chardonnay…
Next time that your emotional levels start to rise, ask yourself: “Is this a demand or resource issue?”
(read the below tables for more examples)
Resources (examples)
External
- Supportive partners + / or parents
- A job that makes you happy with a boss who rocks
- Starbucks Pumpkin Spice coffee
- Stable income
- Consistent childcare
- Fabulous girlfriends
- Low traffic on your commute
- Online healthy grocery delivery 🙂
- 5 uninterrupted minutes in the bathroom
- Having a good (or at least it’s not ALL you) division of labor in your household
Internal
- The ability to not internalize Karen’s snarky comment
- Knowing that you’ve been through hard times before
- Not yelling when you wanted to yell at your toddler
- Optimism that no matter how hard your kids are now, they’ll be worse when they’re teens. I mean, they will get better.
- Doing healthy things for yourself (exercising, eating well, getting zzzs)
- Focusing on where you have control
Demands (Examples)
External
- Job loss, or unstable income
- Constant worry about childcare / if they’ll interrupt your zoom mtgs
- Frustrating + draining work schedule
- That black fly, in your chardonnay
- Cleaning your house while your kids destroy the next room
- Constantly being surprised by school events / activities / due dates
- Kids are in 14 after-school activities at different times
- New Covid restrictions
- A volunteer activity that you were guilted into taking on
- Your children needing 3 different Halloween costumes
- Being the only person in the household who manages the calendar, to-do’s, activities, and clean underwear
- Always realizing you’re out of milk when you’re NOT at the store
Internal
- Constantly comparing yourself to other women/moms
- Spending your free time on social media (doing above said comparisons)
- Having a nasty inner critic worse than any high school mean girl
- Feeling NO control over your life
- Being a perfectionist and never giving yourself a break
- Ruminating on every bad thing said/done, and the retorts you missed (ok George Costanza)
- Thinking “I AM a bad mom” after your 3-year-old yells “you’re the worst mommy!” because you didn’t let him glue his sister’s hair
- The belief that you need to personally hand-sew all 3 Halloween costumes
If you first break it down to this simple framework, then the next steps to fit it become clearer.
In future posts, we’ll talk about how to address these pro-actively; for now, the next time that your emotional levels start to rise, ask yourself: “Is this a demand or resource issue?”
Because suddenly, figuring out the next step is a lot easier.
And when you can know what’s it’s in your control, you take back your agency – and THAT is key to beating burnout.
All my BEST,
- Dr. Darria
P.S. What other Q’s do you have for the TrueveLab? Submit them here for us to answer in future TrueveLab Reports!
