Is everything on your to-do list urgent? Are you just putting-out-fires and keeping everyone alive?
In The Burnout Study, you were CLEAR: Everything feels urgent, and you don’t have enough time at work or home – and felt this even worse at home.
How to deal when everything feels urgent? A lesson from the Emergency Department...
In the ER, we never know what’s coming next. We could always use more hands; people are tired, no one likes the food, no one can sleep, there are occasional strange smells. And we’re trying to do 60 things at once. Sounds like your life, eh?
But we can’t let it overwhelm us. There’s no way we can be our best if we’re feeling swamped or overwhelmed.
The Solution to "everything's urgent"? Triage.
How do we handle everything that must be done? How do we stay as cool as George Clooney and Noah Wyle? One word: Triage – a skill that you can learn, without ever going to medical school.
Triage trains you to differentiate what is an EMERGENCY (must respond!) from a non-emergency (can respond later…or not at all). Science shows that’s key for regulating our stress levels.
How To triage in your own life
In the ER, we use a “red/yellow/green” triage method:
Hear this: what is noisiest or most recent is NOT necessarily a red. My patient who is yelling for flavored coffee creamer is super distracting, but she’s likely not a Red (if coffee is her biggest concern, she’s gonna make it). But my severe asthmatic in room 27 becomes most quiet when breathing is hardest – and he’s absolutely a Red.
Here’s the thing: You’re already triaging in your own life – you’re just doing it by default, prioritizing what is noisiest or most recent.
Result? You’re always racing around, but never feel like you accomplished anything.
The point today is to DELIBERATELY triage by what is most important. Because if you don’t do so deliberately, the world will do it for you.
Step 1: Identify Your Reds
- What is a RED for you? Remember: YOUR Reds are entirely personal, and totally different from anyone else’s. That’s ok. (see below for my own Reds).
- Unapologetically STICK to your Reds. Know that – just like in the ER – if you don’t focus on what is most important, then you have no hope of accomplishing what matters (plus, you’ll constantly feel scattered and overwhelmed)
- Do not let ANYONE ELSE’S crisis become your own. When someone else drops the ball, forgets a task, is late getting something to you – don’t let them try to put that on your plate. If it’s not already one of your Reds, then you don’t need to fix it on their crisis time-table.
- Teach this to your children. Share this practice and how you think through it with them, for two benefits. First, our children themselves at some point be overwhelmed by to-do’s, and this tool empowers them to take control. Secondly, this is a great way to understand what is important to everyone in your family, so you can each honor the others’ Reds (especially when schedules conflict!). Perhaps your child has an activity that you THOUGHT was hugely important to have you attend, but they don’t actually care; on the flipside, there’s another that you didn’t think mattered at all – where they would definitely like you there. Knowing what your child’s Reds are helps you prioritize your schedule, in a way that empowers both of you, and helps everyone feel heard.
Step 2: Cut Unapologetically
Now for the fun / scary part: CUT one thing from your to-do list – without guilt or apology. These items distract you from what matters (and make you feel bad). Find one thing on your list right now (go ahead, I’ll wait) that’s not a Red, or even a Green.
Having trouble identifying these items? Ask yourself:
- What did I agree to do out of guilt?
- What action did I accept by giving an automatic “Yes,” without actually thinking through it?
- What is one thing I feel that I *should* do, but isn’t actually necessary to keep my Reds functioning?
Once you identify that ONE item, take it off your list. (and maybe even enjoy crossing it off….just a little??)
How do I do it? Today, my Reds were:
- Work: getting this post (and another) written, sending deliverables to a client, and connecting with my publicist
- Family: Figuring out my daughter’s school event, finishing work in time to play with my kids
- My health + friendships: Going on a walk, meditating 15 minutes, and answering a friend’s medical question
- What I cut: One of my children’s sports practices was rescheduled and relocated at the last minute, which would have made for an exhausting evening for our family. So, we skipped it.
I knew, if I could just get THESE things done, then I’d feel good about my day.
This week’s FIX: Start to DELIBERATELY triage by what is most important. Because if you don’t, the world will do it for you.
Because feeling like you’re in control and able to get the important stuff accomplished? THAT is the first step to beating burnout.
Xoxo,
- Dr. Darria
Thank you to our AMAZING Burnout Study in Women sponsors, Luna Bar Co, Good Housekeeping, and Computers4Kidz!
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